College is a time when people struggle with questions about themselves. The question "Who am I?" has become a trite reminder of this struggle that we all face while growing up. When they are young, children identify with their parents, taking on almost completely their parents' ideas and values. Almost all of us can recall a time when we thought that our parents were infallible and knew just about everything. During adolescence and early adulthood, people begin to learn more and more about their own personal views and about who they are, and so, an individual and unique identity begins to emerge.
Students find themselves asking "Who am I?" in all sorts of ways. You might find yourself becoming involved in new activities, alone or with friends, as a means of testing out the types of things you like to do, and the types of people with whom you prefer to spend time. We are most comfortable when engaging in activities that most closely match our own interests, and when interacting with people who most closely match our own values. As we become clearer about these interests and values, we become clearer about who it is we refer to as "myself." A facet of oneself is the sexual self, and as young people enter their teenage years they become more aware of their sexual selves. Young people often experience same-sex crushes, in which they idealize an adult or a peer of the same sex. This idealization is an important way that young people begin to form their opinions and values, separate from their family's. Same sex crushes are typical for both heterosexual and homosexual young people, and do not necessarily indicate a homosexual identity. In fact, many people wonder about their sexual identities, and this wondering is a normal part of development. As they move through adolescence and become clearer about who they are, people's interest in "romantic" relationships increases. Young people often begin dating, casually or seriously, in an attempt to determine the types of people to whom they are most attracted intellectually, socially, spiritually, emotionally, and sexually. During this time, it is not unusual for people to become attached to a partner, only to discover that the partnership is a bad match. Through this process of dating, people come to learn about how to interact in romantic relationships, and to identify the types of people they would most prefer to spend time with. Although same-sex and other-sex crushes are typical of many young people, some find that their sexual and emotional attraction for same sex peers is more enduring and mature than a crush. It is estimated that about 1 out of 10 people are born with a homosexual orientation. Rather than being a "choice", sexual orientation is thought to be associated with a biological basis. Whether your sexual orientation is heterosexual or homosexual, the decision to become sexually active is a choice that all people face. The choice is both influenced by, and has consequences for, one's spiritual and emotional development. Choosing NOT to engage in sexual activity for any range of reasons is a viable option. Sexual experimentation, including involvement with multiple partners, increases health risks, especially the risk of contracting sexually transmissible diseases. Many gay men and lesbian women often engage in long-term, monogamous relationships. However, many face stereotyping and even violence as a result of their homosexual orientation. Many are afraid to tell friends, family, or co-workers about their sexual identity (or to "come out") for fear of retribution. Some fear being rejected by family members who learn of their sexual orientation. Even people who simply wonder about whether they are heterosexual or homosexual are often afraid to tell others about their questions, for fear of being stereotyped or ostracized. This tension between society's oppression of gay and lesbian people, and the need that we all have for acceptance and esteem, can cause great difficulty for people who are gay and lesbian. As a result, some people spend their lives denying their sexual identities, or experimenting in seemingly anonymous settings, such as bars. Either of these forms of coping with one's sexuality can be emotionally or physically self-destructive. If you have questions about your sexual orientation, or if you are gay or lesbian and are struggling with others' reactions to you, there are resources on and off campus to help. The Counseling Center offers free, confidential counseling for all students. In addition, a support group is available to gay, lesbian, and bisexual students at Loyola. The group is confidential and is held at the Counseling Center. For more information about individual counseling or about the support group, call 410-617-5109 for an appointment, or stop by the Counseling Center at 150 Humanities Center. Campus Ministry is also available to discuss your pastoral concerns. To contact Campus Ministry, call 410-617-2222. |
