What is dating violence?
Violence committed by a person who is or has been in a social relationship of a romantic or intimate nature with the victim and where the existence of such a relationship is determined based on the length of the relationship, the type of relationship, and the frequency of interaction between the persons involved in the relationship
Are you in an abusive relationship?
- Intensity: expresses extreme feelings that it is very overwhelming.
- Manipulation: partner tries to control your decisions, actions, and emotions.
- Sabotage: partner purposefully ruins your reputation, achievements, or success.
- Guilting: your partner makes you feel responsible for their actions.
- Deflecting Responsibility: When your partner makes excuses for their unhealthy behavior.
- Possessiveness: Your partner is jealous to the point they control who you spend time with.
- Isolation: When your partner keeps you away from friends and/or family.
- Belittling: When someone does or says something to make you feel bad about yourself.
- Volatility: When your partner has a strong reaction that makes you feel scared, confused, or intimidated.
- Betrayal: When someone is disloyal and intentionally dishonest.
How to help a friend who is in an abusive relationship:
- Find a time to talk in a private setting. Be sure the conversation is positive. For example, “You are so fun to be around. I miss you!” Make your friend feel safe so they confide in you. Avoid starting an argument or blaming.
- Be supportive. Listen to your friend and let them open up on their own terms. Remind your friend you are there for them and want to help.
- Focus on unhealthy behaviors. Focus on unhealthy behaviors and provide a safe space for your friend. Avoid using the word abusive to emphasize the seriousness. Instead, bring up specific examples of unhealthy behaviors. Such as “It seems your partner texts you a lot, how does that make you feel?” Let your friend see this behavior is unhealthy and their feelings are legitimate.
- DO NOT be judgmental or preachy. Your friend may not think they are in an abusive relationship and don’t want to be seen that way. Normalize the situation and talk about your own experiences. Keep the conversation on your friend, not yourself. Let them know they are not alone.
- DO NOT place blame. Let your friend know that what they are experiencing is not normal and it is not their fault. They are not responsible for their partner’s actions. Avoid saying “Why are you letting them treat you this way?”
Loyola University Sexual Violence, Relationship Violence and Stalking Report
*confidential resources are not required to report sexual misconduct to the University, however confidentiality cannot be guaranteed if there is an imminent threat to health and safety*
Melissa Lees, Sexual Assault Prevention and Education Response Coordinator
4504A Seton Court
Humanities Room 150
Mon-Fri 8:30AM- 5:00PM
After hours: 410-617-5530
02A Seton Ct
Mon-Fri 8:30AM- 5:00PM
For more information visit Title IX